Helping Elderly Relatives Share Their Funeral Wishes

It’s never easy to talk about funerals, especially with elderly relatives. Many of us shy away from the subject because it feels uncomfortable, or because we hope it won’t be something to worry about for a long time yet.

But starting the conversation can actually be a huge kindness. It gives your loved one the reassurance that their wishes will be respected, and it helps family members feel more at ease when the time eventually comes.

Here are some gentle ideas for opening up the conversation and making sure those wishes are understood and remembered.

Why These Conversations Matter

• It takes away uncertainty – Without guidance, families are often left guessing what their loved one would have wanted.

• It offers comfort – Many older relatives find real peace of mind knowing their preferences have been shared.

• It eases stress later on – When the time comes, the family can focus on remembering and celebrating, rather than worrying about the details.

• It helps with planning – Talking about wishes might even lead to discussing financial plans for the future too.

Finding the Right Moment

There’s no perfect time, but a quiet chat at home or during a family get-together often works well. Sometimes, certain moments naturally open the door – perhaps after attending a funeral, around a birthday, or even while sharing family stories.

Try to keep the tone gentle. You might say something like: “I’d love to know what’s important to you so we can make sure your wishes are honoured when the time comes.” Reassure them that the conversation isn’t about expecting anything to happen soon – it’s about caring enough to listen.

And most importantly: let them do the talking. Often, they’ll already have ideas or preferences in mind.

What You Might Talk About

Every family is different, but here are some of the things your relative might want to share:

• Whether they’d prefer burial or cremation

• What kind of service feels right – religious, non-religious, or something simple

• Favourite hymns, songs, or readings

• Thoughts on flowers or donations to charity

• People they’d like to be involved in the service

• Any personal touches – such as favourite colours, hobbies, or family traditions

Asking open questions, like “What kind of service would feel right to you?”, often works better than yes-or-no questions.

Keeping Their Wishes Safe

Once you’ve had the chat, it’s important to make sure those wishes don’t get lost. Some ways to do that include:

• Writing everything down and keeping it with other important documents

• Sharing the details with close family members so everyone is clear

• Looking into a pre-paid funeral plan, which records wishes formally and can ease financial worries

• Including preferences in their will (while not legally binding, it can still be very helpful guidance)

At Brooks Independent Funeral Directors, we also offer what we call living arrangements. This is a simple, caring way to record wishes so they’re ready for when the time comes — but without needing to make any financial provision. It’s an option that gives peace of mind while keeping things flexible. You can visit the office or Chris can come to see you in the comfort of your own home to guide you through the decisions there are to consider.

A Final Thought

Encouraging elderly relatives to share their funeral wishes isn’t easy, but it’s one of the kindest conversations you can have. It shows respect for who they are, helps them feel heard, and makes things so much easier for the family later on.

Remember – you don’t have to do it all on your own. Brooks Independent Funeral Directors, are always here to help. Whether you’d like advice, information, or support we offer this with no charge. We can also support you with Funeral Plans or Living Arrangements if you wish too. You can be assured Chris is here here to guide you through every step with care and understanding.